It is actually 1:09am of October 17, 2019. I’m having troubles to sleep and my mind keeps me thinking of my not-as-far future.
My beloved dream is becoming less realistic and impossible as the time goes by and I just can not deny I feel fear. Fear, that one feeling that makes you aware of your surroundings and your position in life; it is a feeling that is telling you something bad is about to happen to you and will probably make you stay still as if you were in shock until the occurrence has affected you and you’re not longer able to wake up or get up. This, this is how I feel.
I remember when my young brain thought about – nothing is impossible if you fight for it – yet it seems to be my most immature ideal. Life is not bright and easy and the skies are not always full of rainbows; in fact I’ve always said that in order to find my peace, the one I’m looking for – is – to have me killed. Unfortunately, I still need to live and do a lot of pending stuff before I let that to happen. I will try my best.
Trying my best is the usual say that I mention to myself before starting my day off. It keeps from being unproductive now that I spend most of the time at home and makes me wonder what could be a good use of me since the only thing I seem to be good at or know about is computers.
It’s been already 10 days since I started to write this post and I just can not see it finished any time soon. My plan is to keep adding more paragraphs to make it longer but it will make it sound way more off that what already is with this paragraph being written.
I guess I need to be more depressed, maybe I need to suffer loneliness or perhaps I just need to get into my writer mind that comes and goes every then and now.
As of October 21, 2019
This post is unfinished, undone, incomplete and lacks rephrasing. I decided to stop writing about this and move on into making it public to serve as a reminder to myself to always let some struggles out of my mind and rest in ease.
As of November 14, 2019
I finally decided to publish this post in order to keep my blog page alive. My Snippet page keeps being active but sometimes I just need to dispose of every single though of coding in my brain. It feels much better after taking a break from it, besides the solution to software design problems always come in the most unthinkable moments of our lives, am I right?.